Crushing PR's Doesn't Always Make Me Happy

You would think that if you PR'd in a 10k, crushing your previous year's performance by 10 minutes, improving your pace by over 90 seconds per mile, that you'd be happy, joyous, elated, ecstatic (I have a thesaurus... I can keep going.)  But I think I'm a slight grade lower than all of those adjectives... perhaps "content," is a better way to describe it.

Last year I ran the Holyoke Road Race to see if I could survive.  This year I ran it to crush last year.

The course is ridiculously hilly.  Somehow, it doesn't seem mathematically possible for a course that starts and finishes in roughly the same place to have five miles of uphills and only one mile of downhills.  But I assure you that not only is it possible, it exists in Holyoke.


In 2014, I ran my first ever 10k here in 1:07:56.  This year I pushed myself really hard and posted a time of 57:25.  So how could I not be thrilled?

The answer to that question came when I saw this clip - the finish line video from the Saturday's race.

At the 30:50 mark, you'll notice a large man with sunglasses, a green shirt, black shorts and black calf sleeves enter the screen lumbering right down the yellow line towards the finish.  That's me.

And the reason I say "lumbering," is because that is the exact adjective I would use to describe my stride.  I am not gliding or pacing or striding confidently.  I look like a linebacker who just intercepted a pass and is running for a touchdown.

Despite all the exercise from the past year and a quarter, and all the weight loss that mainly occurred from December, 2013 through June of 2014, I have hit a plateau that I just cannot shake.  Since July of 2014, I have ranged between 212-228 pounds.  I can't get through it.

Now, before you start sending me messages telling me how good I look and how I should be proud of what I've done, I want you to know that their is very little vanity behind my frustration.  Compared to what I used to look like, I'm quite content when I look in the mirror.  My face has thinned, my gut doesn't hang over, and when I flex my pecs you can see my boobs move up and down.  I can put my socks on while standing up, I can tie my shoes without losing my breath and I never worry that when I bend over to pick something up my pants may rip.  That's a weight loss success story right there.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

What I'm talking about is running.  Look at that linebacker lumbering down that yellow line... and imagine if he weighed 30 pounds less.  Imagine if I were 185 pounds instead of 215.  At 185, I'm cruising through the finish under 55 minutes, and likely closer to 50.  At 185 pounds, maybe I don't struggle as much through the final few miles of a marathon.  Maybe I'm not forced to walk Mile 21 in Ft. Lauderedale.

I think the point is that I've been riding my weight loss success story a little too long.  Maybe my head got a little too big (along with my appetite.)

I do run often, but I can run more.  I don't think I've been pushing myself as much as I could have been.  I just followed a girl on Twitter who runs 80-85 miles a week.  A week!  Hey, I'm not trying to compete for prize money here and I know it's not realistic for me to run that kind of distance right away.  But maybe I need to set my sights a little higher than being content on the treadmill or elliptical for an hour or so 5 times a week.

Maybe I need to do more.  Though my running times have gradually continued to improve, they would likely improve much more so if I dropped more weight.  Clearly, in that regard, what I'm doing isn't working.

This hasn't really been a little hiccup in the road.  This is a 9-month range-bound plateau - the mother of all plateaus.  And I think it's time for me to make a decision.  Am I happy with myself to continue comfortably completing half-marathons and struggling through a couple of full-marathons here and there?  Or do I want more?  Do I want to set new goals and conquer them as I conquered goals last year?

And I think I know the answer to that question.  I mean, what kind of running blog would this be if I just did the bare minimum?  (I guess it would be an "ordinary" blog... get it?)

So, I'm going to start pushing myself a little harder.  The next marathon isn't until October, so I have plenty of time and that persistent 5-hour goal in mind.  It's time to get busy, and maybe next year's finish line video will show a sleaker version of me gliding through with a wave and a smile.