The 36’s are all useless. They hang there, but they are no longer an option. I remember when I bought my first pair, thinking if I kept up the pace that I would be buying 34’s someday soon. But I seemed to settle in to the 36’s and that lasted quite a while. Yet here I was, back in the store buying 38’s again… something I swore would never happen.
I am on a pretty severe downslope. It’s no longer a short-term blip, but a long-term trend. I have tried to restart the engine countless times but there is a pattern that is consistently emerging – I recognize the problem, I declare a reset, I start incorporating good habits again, and then... I fail. In the beginning, the iterations of these resets were wide – a few months apart. Once I got on the right track, I generally stayed on the right track. But it’s been difficult lately and with winter here and no discernible schedule or routine, the iterations between resets became shorter and shorter, and it has become increasingly difficult for me to get back on track.
What do you do? What can you do other than declare that today is the day you’re going to change?
I feel like I’ve written this article too many times. The “start again” article. The “this time I’m really serious” article. It hasn’t stuck. These articles are lies.
This morning I got on the scale after the long holiday weekend. I indulged. I knew I was doing it. I let myself do it. I ate, I drank, I hardly exercised at all. It showed: 235. That’s 11 pounds more than what I was at the start of the Marine Corps Marathon a little over a month ago.
I haven’t been over 230 pounds since February, 2014. This past holiday week alone I jumped seven pounds. Some of it might be temporary water retention, but numbers are numbers. The fact is that today I weighed 235. The numbers don’t lie. I lie – every time I pledge that I’m going to get back on track.
I don’t want to write the “reset/start again” article today. Throw it in the bag with all of the other tricks that haven’t worked. I’ve tried many of them - I have a marathon scheduled in February to give me a goal. I installed a pretty nice gym in my basement so I would never have an excuse not to workout. I have tried counting calories and setting schedules. I joined a facebook group and pledged to run 50-100 miles in November (I ran 51 – barely the minimum).
I have now run 3 marathons now at varying weights. It’s not a surprise that the lighter I was, the faster my time. If I want to improve, it’s no secret what must be done. Doing it is the problem.
And while I can be upset at myself for slipping, I cannot go back and un-eat what I ate. I cannot go back and run on the days I was supposed to run but didn’t. I can’t trick myself into working out by buying more things for my gym or putting workouts on a calendar and then skipping them. I want to just take a fresh look at it and say, “I’ll try,” but for some reason I keep hearing Yoda’s advice to Luke during his Jedi training: “No,Try not… Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’”
There really are no excuses. What there is though, is a closet full of size 36 pants that sit on hangers just waiting to be worn again. I will try my best to fit in them again. No… I will fit in them again. There is no try.
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